july 13, 2025

i spent the morning and some of the afternoon today studying at a nearby cafe and doing the laundry. the cafe i went to is small but cozy, and they have a nice drinks menu. i always get this black sesame latte with brown sugar. tastes very good! it's more on the savory side, has this toasty taste to it, but the milk helps balance it out. shit's $6.75, though, so i'm thinking i should get a cheaper drink next time T_T. i would normally go to the library, but it's closed on sundays, and i also felt like studying in a more lively place. last time i went to the library, i felt so dead... but i should go to the library more often than i do cafes to not waste money and to give my body a break from the sugar LOL.

i like the flow that i established this summer; it's very peaceful and quiet. just studying, doing chores, relaxing with video games and drawing, and occasionally calling my closest friend. it gets lonely sometimes (i literally sobbed about this last night LOL), but i like reserving energy for myself rather than spending it hanging out with a lot of people. despite this, i'm still excited for fall semester to start so i can be around more people. i want to branch out and meet people i click with more and challenge myself to take up space despite my fear. i've spent a lot of my life minimizing myself for the sake of others, but i'd like to spend the first years of adulthood breaking away from that old habit.

i think i've already made progress on that goal, though. i feel very different from who i was as a teenager. i find myself more confident sometimes, speaking up when i would normally keep to myself. i compliment strangers more, engage in small talk with few stumbles, act more genuinely and openly. i care a little less about embarassing myself. it's easy to think that my emotional development has been stagnant because of the days i'm reminded of my insecurities about the past, about myself, but i think i can afford myself some pride and satisfaction for the person i've become every now and then.

people always say to cherish your younger years because adulthood is hell, and while they're not completely wrong, i'd like to think that my adult years are an opportunity to finally self-actualize and free myself from the teen angst.

i think that's all i wanted to get out of my head today... farewell, and i hope to write again soon!

love, irid