anime nerd roots | august 13, 2025
i am at the same cafe as the last blog entry!!! and i'm still supposed to be studying!!! but i decided to take a break and write something to hopefully wake up. one thing i hate about my study sessions in this cafe is that i always need to piss a bunch. T_T it's like the barnes and noble effect lol.
i've been thinking about my gender and sexuality again (what else is new), and something i thought about was if i would've been a cishet woman if i didn't grow up feeling isolated from other girls (and people in general tbh) or if i wasn't treated horribly by some men in my life. WHICH IS FUCKED UP TO SAY!! but i think being a queer lesbian was inevitable from the start, with me since childhood not registering heterosexual relationships as something genuine and rather something to elevate a woman's status and how gender is a convoluted concept on its own. i think gender and sexuality can totally be affected by experiences and not be entirely innate. gender and sexuality can be used to respond to one's needs that are often deprived by oppressive systems. guh. i need to learn to be more concise in my writing, but i hope that makes sense.
starting to feel more uncomfortable in this cafe so i think i'll go home earlier than i planned and just study at home... guh... i need someone to wring my body out like a wet towel. speaking of wringing my body out, i so so badly want a weighted blanket. i love intense pressure. it'll be super warm though and where i live is already pretty hot, but it's nothing ten fans can't fix! i'll have to search some up. i need to gnaw on something. i'm simultaneously understimulated and overstimulated. guh.
ummm for some recent positive developments, i started reading through the elysian realm story in honkai impact 3rd (maybe not a positive development but a new low HAHA) and started rewatching free!. the gay sports anime. yum!!! i've had such a soft spot for elysia since forever but i'm a poser and barely know her lore so i was like... fine i'll actually read through hi3's lore and learn more about her character... elysia's so cutie. she's my wife if you care. i played through some of the elysian realm already, but i skipped all the dialogue LMAO so i'm trying to actually read it now. it's nice because i don't have to put too much effort right now and just read through the scenes. i love how quietly somber the elysian realm story is and how almost eerie it is talking to elysia and the others and have them tell you that they're only simulations, made to tell the story of 13 people who tried to defeat the honkai but failed. i might do character and story analyses idk... might be fun...
about free!, i love my stupid gay losers. i watched it back when i was 11, maybe, and i think that says a lot about who i am as a person now lmao. it's so good... the story is not like spectacular amazing absolutely jawdropping but it's so fun PLUS the ost is so peak. i especially love the songs where the voice actors for the main cast sing. like that's so fucking cool! i can listen to rin matsuoka sing! how fun! i love rin, he was one of my faves when i was younger and still kinda is, but i forget that he's so so stupid during the first season (affectionate). it's typical unhealthy teenage angst and gay tension, but wow he kinda sucks a bit! just a little bit! just enough so that i can forgive him! i don't remember much about his character development in the later seasons, so we'll see idk. assuming he matures because he becomes the samezuka academy swimming team's captain. also i love rin's style so much... his more edgy but put together fashion choices... and also his voice i'm very much a sucker for mamoru miyano's (his va) voice.
i'm going to continue studying now... i feel oddly empty but i'm hoping i resolve that once i'm done studying and have time for my hobbies. farewell goodbye i hope to write soon!
love, irid